Judgement Detox: A Practice
Where do we begin? Judgement is such a huge topic, and it's been popping up a lot in my life lately.
Whether it's been being mindful of not judging others, reading Gabby Bernstein's "Judgement Detox" or friends and family coming to me with fears of being judged, this topic is clearly knocking at my door.
What I want to start off by saying is this: judgement isn't bad. It's not good either. It's just something that happens. Long long long ago, our ancestors used judgement for survival purposes.
Our brains operate on 200,000 year old software. What I mean is, our brains function first and foremost on the basic level of survival--something our ancestors needed if they were going to survive. Reactions like stress, and judgement were simply ways of evaluating danger and how to respond. This proved to be very beneficial because (ta-da!) the human race has survived.
The downside to this is that we struggle with judgement and stress in situations that no longer warrant that kind of reaction. And we do it all day long.
Try and sit for a moment and think about all the judgements you've made today, then think about all the judgements you've heard form others today.
I can't count them. It's constant, and many times I'm not even consciously aware I'm doing it, or I'm not consciously aware that I'm waiting for the next person to judge me. Then I'm left wondering why I'm so exhausted.
Imagine every judgmental thought whether it be yours or one that another person said to you as a computer program and your brain is the computer. Now imagine how many programs would be running in the background at the end of each day--it would be monumental. No wonder many of us suffer from mental fatigue, anxious feelings, and depression.
We judge for so many different reasons: to make us feel better about ourselves, to "help" someone else, to assess our surroundings, and because it's easy.
When someone judges you, it never feels good. They might be doing it out of love, but you're left holding their judgement in your hands, and they've already moved on! They just drop that big bomb of judgement in your lap and you're left trying to get rid of it it while they go off and drop another judgement bomb on someone else.
People will change their life's course based on these judgement bombs. How many of us have chosen not to do something because they are afraid of how their friends or family will judge them?
*Raises both hands*
The truth of the matter is, down the road, they might have been right all along, but they also might be wrong. Just because something didn't work in someone's life doesn't mean that it wont work in yours. You are the one that has to live your life for you. Everyone has their own lives to live and at the end of the day, judgement or not, we have to live with the consequences of the decisions we made.
We can't live our lives for other people. They are busy living their own life. Even if they judge you for something you've done, time will move forward, they will forget about whether or not you chose to text that person, and they will move on with another judgement. It's a vicious cycle.
Luckily, there are tools that we can use to bust through this terrible cycle of judging others and releasing others judgement of us for good. It's a practice--something that needs to be worked at every day, but it is possible. Without carrying the weight of other's judgement, think about how much more energy you'll feel, how much happier you'll be because you're free to make that bold move you've been itching to make.
Without judging others, think about how much more at peace you'll be, and how much more brain space you'll have for ideas, love and reaching goals. When we judge others, we get worked up. Maybe it's short term, but that's energy spent on something that didn't warrant it. Phrases like, "I can't believe she's going to do that!" or "Why would you text them, they hurt you and they clearly suck!" Expel energy that could have been spent on something far more productive for you in your own life.
Nobody needs that kind of feedback. What we all need is support. Let's face it, most people go through with whatever it is you're judging them for, they just stop telling you about it. Judgement puts dents in friendships and relationships that is hard to mend.
In Gabby's book, she shows you how to release your judgement and how to handle judgement from others. It has been life changing for me, and I want to give all of you the opportunity to join me on this judgement detox journey.
Disclosure: No, Gabby does not pay me to promote her, I'm just a really big fan and get so much value out of her work.
Dress: Dressed Boutique, Trukee, CA
California Necklace: Mo Jo Zoe, Truckee CA
Hope everyone has a fantastic rest of the week!!